The purpose of the Oklahoma Department of Citizen Aggravation is to ensure that every interaction between State Government and its citizens is as confusing, time-consuming, aggravating, and expensive as possible.
M e m o r a n d u m
To: Oklahoma Highway Patrol, Oklahoma Department of Public Safety Drivers License Division
Re: Drivers License Examination Process
1. Pursuant to state policy, this memorandum is issued for the purpose of increasing the hassle, expense, and aggravation of citizens in their interactions with the Oklahoma Department of Public Safety Drivers License Division.
2. No citizen shall be allowed to make an appointment for a driver’s test or a written test. Citizens shall be required to arrive at approximately 4 AM on the day they desire a driver’s test, and wait for a first-come/first-serve test.
3. At random intervals each week, the Departmentt of Public Safety shall take its computers off line. No information shall be given to persons waiting in line as to how long said computers will be off-line. No “rain checks” shall be given to persons waiting in line who are not able to take the test due to the inaccessibility of the Department’s computers. No back-up testing materials (such as paper copies of tests and pencils) shall be kept at testing stations. Each citizen shall have the option of waiting until the office closes or returning at 4 AM on a future day to wait for a test.
4. No officer whose job is giving driver’s tests is required to give such tests in a timely manner. Such officers are encouraged to sit around and look busy doing other non-essential tasks, while applicants wait patiently in line for their driver’s test.
5. In order to increase the number of citizens aggravated by the Department’s actions, no testing station shall be located on a municipal bus line, thus requiring applicants to have another citizen drive them to the location.
6. All suggestions that the entire driver’s testing system should be carried out by contractors such as tag agents, which would result in a proliferation of testing opportunities and thus increase the convenience of the system to citizens, shall be condemned as dangers to public security.